Genius In Progress

Last night, I had the distinct displeasure of watching the movie “Religulous.” It wasn’t my choice… honest. Thankfully, my attention at the time of watching was more focused on the game I was playing than it was on the movie, because I think my head might have exploded had I dedicated my full attention to the movie. Instead, I’m pretty sure I just got dumber while Bill Maher nattered on in the background.

Let me just start by stating this: Religulous was designed, allegedly, to be a faux documentary. It’s directed by Larry Charles, who also directed “Borat.” Allegedly, the goal was not to necessarily directly skewer religions, but instead to ask questions openly to expose the hilarity and ridiculousness of various beliefs, giving the people they were interviewing enough leeway that they would do Bill’s job for him. Billy and Larry searched the globe, apparently trying to find some of the oddest samples of “authorities” and normal believers. Bill would then have a conversation with them, during which he was generally out-matched in intelligence and depth, even by the oddballs he found. Following this, he would reflect on the discussion, relying heavily on the juxtaposition of completely unrelated video footage to accent (or, more often, take the place of) his attempts to point out the folly of the given belief. Apparently, he expected the people who watch this to have such a low IQ that they will magically associate the imagery with his point. Following this, we’d get a shot of him riding in a car, grinning smugly, reflecting on how smart he thinks he is, and reminiscing about his former life as a stand-up comedian, when, judging from the clips he showed, people didn’t think he was funny. Some things don’t change, I guess.

Overall, even were I to approach this film hoping to see religion get skewered, I think I would have been sorely disappointed. Bill Maher showed a true lack of understanding, comprehension, or preparedness for this task. The questions he asked to evoke conversation were not deep, nor did they indicate any understanding of what any given religion believes. Speaking of “any given religion”, that ended up being pretty much just Christianity, and mostly Catholic Christianity at that. Bill spent about as much time talking about Judaism, Islam and Scientology as he did discussing how he liked to masturbate a lot when he was a kid (seriously, he said it proudly). Let’s not even mention all the religions like Kabbalism, Buddhism and others that he failed to even touch on. Clearly it was easier to go after the one religion he knew anything about than it was to do some research and possibly show at least some attempt to live up to the title of the movie.

To culminate his great fact-finding adventure, he claimed that there cannot be a god, because he doesn’t know of any god existing, and, according to him, none of us possess any mental faculties that he does not, so we couldn’t possibly know that there is a God. I couldn’t help but laugh. Such a self-centered, egotistical view of life being used as an argument to prove the lack of an all-powerful deity is humorous. He could apply the same concept to physics and greatly simplify the work of a lot of scientists. I can just imagine… “Well, I’m not aware of the existence of the Higgs Boson particle, and no one has any mental faculties that I lack, so it must not exist. You can just go ahead and shut down the Large Hadron Collider. It’s a waste of your time.”

To be honest, from the way the movie was promoted, I expected more. I thought that my beliefs might be insulted, or that at least hard questions would be asked. Instead, what I got was 101 minutes of Bill Maher being pleased with himself, and attempting to use cheap editing tricks to strengthen his point. Not once in the movie did he even manage to raise a vaguely compelling doubt about the validity of any belief. I’ve had my beliefs questioned way more thoroughly by fellow Christians. He did not even manage to raise a single question that I feel needs direct refuting, and anyone who knows me will realize that’s fairly significant.

Watching “Religulous” left me annoyed and feeling like I had wasted my time. The last time I felt that way after a movie was when I watched “The Blair Witch Project” when my roommates had it on freshman year of college. I expected this going in to the movie, but the reason for the annoyance was not what I expected. Instead of being aggravated by the statements made against my beliefs, I was annoyed by the assumption of an utter lack of intelligence on the part of the viewer, paired with Bill spending the whole film thinking he’s hilarious and being proud of himself.

If you’re looking to challenge your beliefs, or to expand your knowledge of a religion, or even if you’re looking for some good talking points to use in a discussion *against* a given religion, do your own research. Talk to people who hold those beliefs. There are plenty of people out there who know what they believe and would be happy to have a discussion with you. If you’re just looking for a cheap shot / quick laugh at the expense of a religion, you could watch “Religulous”… or you could go to YouTube, save yourself the four bucks, and probably still find better stuff. I know what I’d do.

Last month, I broke down and finally bought a new pair of skis for myself. After years of skiing on a pair of Atomic race skis (awesome skis, but very long and heavy, and designed for speed, not maneuverability), I decided to get myself a set of twin-tips like I’ve always wanted. The shop I went to recommended the Armada AR6 skis, and after some reading, I decided to go with them. They had good reviews and seemed to fit fairly well into the types of skiing that I do. They also had the added perk of having some pretty cool artwork on the top.

After getting everything adjusted, I took them out for the first time. Nothing serious. No terrain parks or rough treatment, just boring old snow. One trip up the lift, after having skied for about an hour, I looked down at my skis and noticed that the top of the ski, about 6 inches above the binding, was splintering away, taking pretty good sized chunks of the artwork with it. Needless to say, I was less than thrilled with the outcome. It doesn’t affect the way the skis perform, but it’s a bummer and an eyesore, and not something I expected to happen to a brand new pair of skis on the first run.

I took the skis back to the shop, hoping to have the error be covered under warranty. It wasn’t. Armada rejected the warranty work. Thankfully, Sun & Snow in Ann Arbor, where I took the skis, did a fantastic job of repairing the skis for me, and charged me nearly nothing for the job. However, I was left with a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth after the experience with Armada.

I decided to call Armada, to make sure I had the whole story. After numerous times calling and leaving voicemail messages (none of which were returned), I finally got ahold of a human being. To their credit, the two people I talked to were quite helpful, despite never actually being able to find any record of having rejected the picture of my skis. I spoke to Seth, the person in charge of warranty work, and it turns out that the tops of their skis splintering into oblivion is an expected part of wear and tear, and is not covered under warranty.

I’m not one to expect that every scratch, ding or abuse be covered by the manufacturer, but I do expect a pair of skis with an MSRP of $600 to hold up to the kind of wear and tear that they’d experience in 2 hours of normal skiing. I’m not a pro skier, but neither am I a complet amateur. I didn’t bang my skis together riding up the lift, and I’m capable of making it down a black diamond without crossing my skis or killing myself. Armada made it very clear that this was normal for them and not covered.

So, if you want a pair of skis to look good mounted on the wall, AR6s might be the ones for you. I’ll even admit that they ski quite nicely… I’d be a lot less friendly writing this otherwise. If however, you’re looking for a ski that will last you a long time, or if you want a company that stands behind the hardware they sell, I think your money would be better spent with a company other than Armada. I’ll ski the AR6s until they wear out, but I certainly won’t buy Armada again next time. I just hope they at least last the winter.

It’s that time of year again… as the Pro football season fires up in the US, grown men (and I’m sure some women too) will gather together, spreadsheets and statistics in hand, to spend hours participating in mock drafts, jockeying and strategizing to each outwit the others in creating the ultimate team for themselves. The stakes? Some cash, and bragging rights for the next year, if they win. This selection of players will either delight or haunt them for the next four months, as they are all glued to the TV and the computer, anxiously watching every game and tracking each stat to see which players succeed, which players fail, and which players get injured in the first game and are cut for the season, effectively ruining the lives of many unhappy guys who have no connection to the injured player other than an unfortunate pick in the mock draft.

I don’t think the NFL and the TV networks could have possibly even conceived of a better method of getting thousands upon thousands of fans to glue themselves to the TV, caught up so intently in a struggle between two teams that they would otherwise not give a rat’s ass about. The best comparison I can come up with is that it’s like D&D on steroids (or HGH or whatever football’s performance-enhancing drug of choice is). The only difference is, D&D actually requires imagination, and most D&D players leave the fantasy behind as they grow older and enter the work force. Meanwhile, while the D&D players have moved on with their lives and are probably doing something useful with their time, like watching Star Trek re-runs or starting multi-national, billion dollar corporations, the grown men who probably looked down on the D&D nerds in school, scoffing at their imaginary worlds and six-sided dice, now engross themselves utterly in the sports equivalent of the same exact thing.

Somehow, though, I’m sure that due to the fact that it’s the fate of highly paid professional athletes rather than druids and elf-lords (or whatever D&D characters are… I’ve never participated in a game), it’s much more socially acceptable. Now, none of this is to say that perfectly normal people don’t partake in Fantasy Football, and that utter and complete dorks don’t play D&D; I just find humorous the intensity and severity with which many people approach Fantasy Football. Perhaps I’m just grumpy at being faced with the prospect of another 4 months of Sunday afternoons and evenings and Monday evenings of the TV being constantly playing pro football.